Teaching Pages

Page display options: 1-column; 3-columns

Premarital sex


Previous Part

Part 2: Sex outside of marriage

(Content of this section: A very straightforward scripture on sex and marriage - sections following this provide other scriptures to go with it)


A straightforward scripture related to sex outside of marriage is -

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:2 - NKJV


You then get a pretty good idea of the view presented in the New Testament about sex outside of marriage by putting that verse alongside this scripture portion -

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 - NKJV


The Message - a good, popular modern translation of the Bible - puts that same verse this way:

God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 - The Message

(Content of this section: Definition of the term premarital sex)


I have received some responses to this page asking me to define the term premarital sex. Please therefore find a definition of premarital sex below.

Strictly speaking it refers to sexual intercourse (penetration) taking place outside of a marriage relationship established before God. However, people talking about it may give it a wider meaning. They may use it to refer any kind of sexual contact beyond boy-girl kissing although strictly speaking this is not the case. The reason they do this is because once you start down the road of sexual contact (petting, fondling) it is often very difficult to pull on the brakes and come to a complete halt before the act of sexual intercourse.

(Content of this section: Question about whether premarital sex might be helpful in gauging the likelihood of good sex in marriage)


The following question came in from a man in Africa,

"What if after marriage, your wife failed to perform the way you wanted her to. Don't you think if we engage in premarital sex, this would be rectified?"


Below you will find the answer I gave him:

(Content of this section: Guidance on the conditions in which a good sexual relationship develops)


No, I don't think this would help in the way you are suggesting. In the long term, the woman's "performance" in bed is generally the consequence of how the man is with her, his attitudes, his gentleness and his approaches to her.

In any case, sex is not a performance but a developing relationship where a man and a woman learn to interact with one another sexually. This happens best where the woman has a sense of security in the male to female relationship. The marriage relationship gives a wonderful opportunity for this sense of security to develop.

(Content of this section: Question about where the boundaries on sexual contact should be for a couple before marriage)


The following question came in from a single person,

"Exactly how far is okay (body parts) in a christian relationship (hug,french kiss,feeling your partner's ass, breasts)"


Below you will find the answer I replied with:

(Content of this section: Guidance on the best way for a Christian relationship to develop between a girl and a boy who feel strongly for each other)


I think you're approaching this topic from the wrong angle. I'll explain.

The best Christian male-female relationships are those that grow out of spiritual beginnings. A Christian boyfriend-girlfriend relationship should start as a spiritual relationship.

By this I mean the boy and girl should have a relationship that is one first centred on friendship around prayer, worship and an awakening to the light and power of God's word.

(Content of this section: Developing the spiritual and social dimensions of a Christian boy-girl relationship)


As the friendship develops into a prayer partnership and encouragement of each other in excitement about the Gospel then the relationship begins to take on a social dimension also. The boy and girl will start doing things together in a social context as well as spiritual.

The emphasis in a Christian boy-girl relationship is meant to be on, first, its spiritual dimension and, second, its social dimension. Before marriage an emphasis on a sexual dimension to the relationship can hinder the relationship's healthy and strong development. This is because the proper order for things is first the spirit, second the soul and only lastly the body.


This is a principle of life that leads to great and marvellous things developing in a person's life. Jesus gives us this principle as part of what we know as the Sermon on the Mount. There He declares, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Mat.6:33.

The development of the sexual relationship is best left until after marriage. Marriage gives warmth, security and liberty for the sexual relationship to develop richly and emotionally soundly.


So my advice is - don't look to push the boundaries of sexual activity as far you feel you can righteously get away with it but rather look to limit the boundaries of sexual activity as far as you possibly can in order to give emphasis in the relationship to the spiritual first and then the social.

Related pages

Use the links below to get to other pages on this site that have a similar subject to that which you've read about above.

Suggested eBooks

The following ebooks are related in some way to what you have read and therefore might be of help to you:

300 Creative Dates The Sexually Skilled Christian Husband Sex Satisfaction For The Christian Wife